THE MASS NARCISSISM ERA
Over the last several years, I've noticed a pattern emerging in both my therapy office and the courtroom.
Different settings. Different people. Different stories.
But the same underlying dynamic.
It seems nearly everyone has either been in a relationship with a narcissist, is currently in a relationship with a narcissist, works for a narcissist, was raised by a narcissist, or is recovering from one.
The word gets thrown around so often that I'm repulsed by it, and I don't feel it accurately depicts what the person on the receiving end of a "narcissist" goes through. It's hard to explain being trauma bonded to someone who is repeatedly and intentionally hurting you. It's hard to explain still having empathy for someone who is out to destroy you. It's conflicting, confusing and lonely. So lonely. It doesn't matter how many support people you have, removing yourself from talons of a narcissist leaves you feeling completely alone.
As a therapist, I rarely find labels to be the most useful place to start. Human beings are far more complex than diagnostic categories.
That said, I do think we're witnessing something interesting.
It seems that generations before us—through no fault of their own, but often through unresolved trauma, emotional neglect, survival-based parenting, and dysfunctional family systems—may have helped create what I think of as a Mass Narcissism Era.
Not necessarily an epidemic of diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
But certainly an epidemic of narcissistic traits.
The DSM describes Narcissistic Personality Disorder as involving patterns such as:
• Grandiosity
• A need for admiration
• Entitlement
• Lack of empathy
• Exploitation of others
• Preoccupation with status, power, or success
• Difficulty accepting criticism
• Believing oneself to be uniquely special
Now here's where it gets interesting.
Most people read that list and immediately think of someone else.
An ex.
A parent.
A boss.
A politician.
Rarely do they stop and ask:
"Where do these tendencies show up in me?"
Because narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum.
Many of them are actually exaggerated defense mechanisms.
A fragile ego becomes grandiosity.
Deep shame becomes superiority.
Fear of inadequacy becomes constant validation-seeking.
A terror of rejection becomes entitlement.
What I see clinically is less "evil people" and more wounded people using unhealthy strategies to avoid pain.
Unfortunately, those strategies create collateral damage.
The fallout is everywhere.
Relationships become transactional.
People struggle to take accountability.
Conflict becomes a competition rather than a path toward resolution.
Social media rewards performance over authenticity.
Victimhood becomes social currency.
Empathy decreases.
Everyone becomes increasingly convinced that they are right while simultaneously feeling misunderstood.
Which brings me back to something I often think about.
Good and evil. Light and darkness. Life and decay.
Consider a tree.
A healthy - alive - living tree - experiences decay and death constantly - branches break, leaves fall off, fruit blossoms and falls to the ground. And that healthy tree can withstand, overcome and expand. Parts die so other parts can continue growing.
Decay itself is not the enemy.
The problem occurs when decay becomes the dominant force.
When termites, disease, or parasites consume the tree faster than it can regenerate.
Human systems work much the same way.
We can only handle so much before we become consumed... and so what I teach people in my sessions, and the continual work I do myself, is choose life. Choose expansion. Choose growth. Don't allow the rot to overcome you.
I think the solution is becoming better at identifying our own weakness and expanding on our strengths.
Because where the rot creeps in, is where the trauma lives.
And rot that remains unconscious tends to create suffering for everyone around us.
If you are currently in a relationship with someone who exhibits strong narcissistic traits—or if you're recovering from one—this is something I explore extensively in my book, 7 Primal Wounds.
In it, I discuss why certain primal wounds are more likely to develop narcissistic defenses, why others are more likely to become targets of those dynamics, and how childhood adaptations often continue shaping adult relationships long after the original wound occurred.
Because healing doesn't begin when we become experts on someone else's dysfunction.
Healing begins when we understand our own.
Do you know your Primal Wound?
Because once you do… it changes everything.