Michaela's Site

What Are the 7 Primal Wounds?

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 15:17:52 -0700

Let’s get real: if you’ve ever walked out of a situation thinking, “Why did I react like that?” or “Why does this always happen to me?” — you’re not broken. You’re likely battling something I call a Primal Wound.

These wounds are invisible, often buried, but they drive everything — your relationships, your emotional triggers, your inner critic, and even the dreams you’re too scared to chase.

So what exactly are they? Let’s unpack it.

A Primal Wound is an emotionally charged belief you absorbed early in life — typically before age 5 — about who you are and what you’re worth.

They don’t come from one big traumatic event (though that can play a role). Most wounds are created from small, repeated moments where something didn’t happen: you didn’t feel heard, seen, comforted, or accepted.

When your nervous system can’t make sense of pain, it personalizes it.
You didn’t think: “My parent is emotionally unavailable.”
You thought: “I must not be lovable.”

That belief became part of your operating system. Now you react to present-day life through that old lens — even if it’s outdated and completely false.

The 7 Primal Wounds

These aren’t personality flaws. They’re emotional templates — patterns you absorbed when you were too young to question whether they were true.

Here they are:

I Am Insignificant

You feel unseen. Like your presence doesn’t really matter and your voice is background noise.
You might:

Stay quiet to avoid “bothering” people

Life is a Jungle

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 13:29:44 -0800

Sometimes the most powerful (and loudest) thing we can do is go silent.

After eight years of consistently sharing stories, interviews, and insights I decided I need to escape. So I left for the jungles of Central America.

I’m a world traveler, having been to 27+ countries, and there’s still places on my bucket list - like Japan and the Azores, Cambodia, Vietnam, New Zealand…but Central America is a place that’s relatively quick and easy to get to, but also fills my spirit. There’s something that lingers in the air there, a knowing for me.

So I left. Alone. No social media noise. Just a small bag and a one-way path toward a tropical outpost tucked between lagoon water and dense jungle.

What I found there was not an escape.

It was a remembering.

When the Journey Begins Before You Arrive

Getting there felt like an initiation.

A stranger picked me up in a pickup truck that broke down repeatedly along the way. Each stop brought another villager climbing into the back. By the time we reached the remote community after dark, I wondered if I’d done the right thing…

Travel has a way of stripping away control. It reminds you quickly: you are not in charge here.

A lady, who I now call a good...Read More

Self Care Smores

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 12:36:24 -0800

On a random weeknight, with homework half-finished and emails still waiting in the background, we lit a small fire in the backyard and made s’mores.

Not as a reward for surviving a long week.

Not because it was a holiday.

Simply because self-care doesn’t have to wait for a perfect moment. We do this often.

You see, all week long I hear my clients share stories of extreme stress, sadness and anxiety, things that can be and feel dehabilitating. I often ask them what they do for self care and their reply is usually something like “I don’t have time for self care.”

For us, there’s little more powerful than creating the slow down of camping vibes at home, watching the fire snap, crackle and pop, feeling the warmth on our skin…everyone seems to hush and stare at the fire contemplating.

I’ve learned that “self-care” often gets framed as another thing to manage. Another appointment. Another routine. Another way to be better at being human.

But real restoration isn’t always structured. Sometimes it’s playful. Sometimes it’s a little messy. Sometimes it smells faintly like toasted sugar and chocolate.

This self care s’mores sesh, we decided it would be fun to experiment with something far outside the graham cracker box.

Enter the stroopwaffle.

There’s a certain kind of relationship reality nobody prepares you for.

It’s not the dramatic breakup.
It’s not the big divorce blowout.
It’s not the “we hate each other and can’t be in the same room.”

It’s the quiet, awkward, emotionally confusing middle ground:

You’re not in love anymore… but it doesn’t make financial sense to live apart.

You have kids.
You’re retired.
You share a mortgage, a pension, health insurance, routines, history, and probably a whole closet full of mismatched Tupperware lids.

And whether people want to admit it or not—this is becoming very common.

Welcome to what I call: The Roommate Game.

This is when two people decide (consciously or unconsciously) to stop being romantic partners… and start co-existing like roommates who happen to share a family.

And listen—this doesn’t automatically mean you’re failing.

It means you’re navigating a complicated season with limited options and real-world responsibilities. And if you’re going to play the...Read More

Why Goal Setting Doesn't Work

Sun, 25 Jan 2026 10:20:54 -0800

Why Winter Is the Worst Time to Set Big Goals (and What to Do Instead)

This week's drop in class is going to be a goal setting game changer... here's why:

Every year, January 1st arrives with the same pressure: new goals, new habits, a completely new version of yourself. It sounds motivating, but from a neuroscience perspective, it’s poorly timed.

Winter is not a season of expansion. Biologically, it never has been. Shorter days reduce exposure to natural light, which directly affects serotonin and melatonin—two neurochemicals that regulate mood, motivation, and sleep.

As light decreases, the brain shifts toward conservation. Energy lowers, focus narrows, and long-range planning becomes more cognitively expensive. Your nervous system is wired for maintenance, not reinvention.

When people struggle to feel motivated in January, it’s often interpreted as laziness or lack of discipline. In reality, they’re trying to force future-focused thinking during a season designed for reflection, refinement, and rest. This mismatch is why so many goals collapse before February.

Another reason traditional goal setting fails is the way goals are framed. Most goals are outcome-based. Lose the weight. Hit the number. Launch the project. While clear outcomes seem helpful, they often activate pressure and performance anxiety. The nervous system hears urgency,...Read More

The Iconic Pilot Jacket, the Secret of the “X,” and How Scarlett & Co. Is Reimagining an Aviation Classic

Sat, 10 Jan 2026 15:15:43 -0800

There are few garments in history as instantly recognizable—or as evocative—as the pilot jacket. Whether you picture a WWII bomber crew bracing against the cold at 25,000 feet or a modern-day aviatrix stepping onto a windswept ramp at dawn, the silhouette is unmistakable: rugged, purposeful, and effortlessly stylish. And while fashion trends cycle endlessly, the pilot jacket remains a rare constant, bridging the gap between utility and allure.

At Scarlett & Co., we’ve been studying this heritage, taking notes from the legends, and shaping it into something new for the next generation of pilots. Because aviation fashion deserves a revival—one that honors the past without getting stuck in it.

Where the Bomber Jacket Began

Long before the bomber jacket strutted down runways or appeared in film, it was a piece of survival equipment. In the early 1900s, open-cockpit aircraft exposed pilots to brutal temperatures. The U.S. Army Signal Corps issued heavy leather jackets lined with fur to keep aviators alive at altitude. These early garments were bulky and stiff, but they did the job.

The real transformation happened in the 1930s with the introduction of the A-2 flight jacket, the one most people picture today when they think “bomber jacket.” Crafted from horsehide or goatskin and trimmed with a snap-down collar and ribbed cuffs, the A-2 was functional but undeniably sharp. Crews personalized them with painted nose art featuring everything from fierce animals to pin-up girls to squadron...Read More

Why You Should Be Careful Hiring Any Coach During High-Stress or High-Stakes Transitions

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 08:40:23 -0800

If you’re looking for support during a major life transition—divorce, custody conflict, business collapse, burnout, identity shifts, or trauma recovery—you’re likely not just looking for information. You’re overwhelmed, emotionally taxed, and making consequential decisions while your nervous system is already under strain. This is true whether the person offering help calls themselves a divorce coach, business coach, life coach, trauma-informed coach, strategist, mentor, or guide.

That context matters.

Periods of instability and fear are exactly when blurred professional boundaries, overstated expertise, and misaligned financial structures can do real harm. To understand why, it helps to start with a distinction most people are never told.

Coaching titles of any kind are not regulated or protected.

Divorce coaching, business coaching, life coaching, trauma-informed coaching, and mindset coaching all fall into this category.

Most individuals using these titles are not licensed clinicians, are not bound by state licensing boards, are not required to carry malpractice insurance, and are not accountable to an external ethical authority. Certificates indicate completion of a program, not clinical authority, legal responsibility, or enforceable ethics.

This does not mean coaching is inherently bad or useless. Many coaches provide valuable education, perspective, or skills-based support. But it does mean the pricing structure must match the actual scope, risk, and responsibility of the work.

Justify - Explain - Defend

Mon, 29 Dec 2025 16:54:28 -0800

Justify. Explain. Defend.

A Primal Wound Pattern You Didn’t Choose

If you’ve ever found yourself over-explaining a simple decision, defending a boundary you already set, or justifying something that honestly needed no justification—you’re not broken.

You’re patterned.

“Justify, explain, defend” isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a nervous-system strategy that forms around unresolved primal wounds. And once you see it through that lens, the behavior suddenly makes sense.

At its core, this pattern is about preemptive survival.

The brain learns early: If I can explain myself well enough, maybe I won’t be misunderstood, dismissed, punished, or rejected. That learning gets stored not as a thought, but as a reflex. By adulthood, it happens automatically—before you even realize you’re doing it.

Neuroscientifically, this sits at the intersection of the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. When a situation triggers perceived threat—conflict, disagreement, questioning—the amygdala fires first. It doesn’t ask, “Is this reasonable?” It asks, “Is this...Read More

The Gold Fish Bowl Effect

Sun, 28 Dec 2025 09:59:07 -0800

The Goldfish Bowl Effect
Right before every book launch, something predictable happens.
I want to disappear.
Not dramatically. Not out of fear. More like a quiet, deliberate stepping back—out of the goldfish bowl.
The goldfish bowl is that feeling of being watched from all sides. Opinions pressing in. Expectations circling. People tapping on the glass, projecting who they think you are, who you should be, or what they want from you. For most authors, visibility ramps up before a launch. For me, my nervous system does the opposite.
And there’s a neuroscientific reason for that.
When we anticipate evaluation—judgment, praise, criticism, or even attention—the brain doesn’t neatly separate them. The amygdala simply hears: eyes on you. For someone with a dominant primal wound of “I am insignificant,” attention can feel paradoxically threatening. Not because I don’t want to matter—but because my nervous system learned early on that being seen didn’t always equal being safe, valued, or understood.
So as a launch approaches, my brain does what brains do best: protect.
That internal conflict creates stress. And one of the most effective...Read More

Why social media is the Titanic...

Sat, 27 Dec 2025 07:15:51 -0800

For years, social media marketing was treated as the great equalizer. Show up consistently, provide value, stay visible, and the right people will find you. It promised connection, opportunity, and growth—if you were willing to feed the machine.
I was.
I studied it. Tested it. Played the game intelligently and intentionally. And eventually, I came to a conclusion many people are quietly circling but afraid to say out loud:
Social media marketing, as we’ve known it, is dying.
Not because people don’t care.
Not because attention disappeared (although, let's be real, it has become a :15 second world).
Over a year ago I told my followers I was changing strategy.
At the time, it wasn’t an exit—it was an experiment.
I wanted to understand something deeper than “what performs.” I wanted to study the production of value. What actually moves the needle? What creates meaningful engagement? What translates into real-world outcomes rather than inflated metrics?
For months, I tested and observed.
Reels regularly saw 500,000+ views.
Comments rolled in.
Shares climbed.
Visibility exploded.
And business...Read More