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E62 David Essel explains why positive thinking will never change your life

· podcast,david essel,positive thinking

David Essel (00:02):

Wow. Well, I'm glad we could connect finally.

Michaela (00:04):

I'm so happy to have you on today and I've just got a whole slough of fun questions that hopefully will inspire the listeners. So I thought we could dive right in, but first, can you share a little bit about who you are and what you do with with the listeners?

David Essel (00:16):

Oh, absolutely. For the past 40 years I've been in the world of personal growth 11 books, four number one bestsellers. I'm a counselor, master life coach, minister, speaker, radio, host, you name it.

Michaela (00:31):

Wow. Fabulous. Such good stuff.

David Essel (00:34):

Joy, 40 years of joy Michaela.

Michaela (00:37):

Wow. So you were in the personal growth world before personal growth was a thing.

David Essel (00:43):

Yeah. As a matter of fact, I mean, when we think about the world of personal growth and, and how it's so radically changed in 1980 when I began, I mean, it was a different beast. Totally different beast and there's been some good changes, but there's been a lot of insanity as well, which we try to stay away from.

Michaela (01:04):

Yeah, absolutely. It's hard to kind of sift through it sometimes. So you talk a lot about the myth of positive thinking and I, I'm guessing this is all about law of attraction, the secret things like that. Can you share a little bit about what you mean by the myth of positive thinking?

David Essel (01:21):

Yeah, Michaela and actually, you know, this is the book that started all off. You know, I wrote books for 20 years, so let's talk about the law of attraction and how ridiculously stupid it is. And I, I don't have strong opinions on many things, Michaela. But you know, they, the, I wrote books books for 20 years without any recognition whatsoever. Minimal sales. So, you know, the law of attraction, people say put it out there in the universe, must responding Hyde. Well, it didn't work for me for 20 years. So I, I will tell you that putting it out there ain't enough now when, when we released the book, positive thinking will never change your life. But this book will about five years ago, it was the first book Michaela that went, number one. And it's interesting because you know, the secret came out around 2007 2008 the law of attraction has been around since around the year six, right?

David Essel (02:20):

I mean, God, if, if you, if you look at where the secret got a lot of its work, it was from Wallace Wattles, the science of getting rich. The book was written in 1910 and they took a lot of his information, but the thing that they left out, and this is the thing that really just bothers the heck out of me about the law of attraction and positive thinking, and the secret is that Wallace Wattles wrote in in 1910 I think it was chapter six he put a whole chapter about, if you don't take serious action, if you don't get uncomfortable, ain't nothing happening. Yeah. And it's interesting, but Kayla, because that's the message that the law of attraction and the secret love to downplay and, and I'm going to out myself from 1980 until 1996 I was one of those ridiculous people traveling the world, standing on stage saying whatever you believe you can achieve, your thoughts will manifest into what you desire. And it's all alignment. Kayla. It's a complete site and I can prove it. Well, first of all, it's a lie because I was using affirmations for 25 years about sobriety and I was a raging alcoholic.

David Essel (03:35):

So if you have an affirmation that you say for 25 straight years, I am David Sol, a child of God, happy, healthy, and sober today. And for 25 years you still drank every night. There's a problem with this law of attraction stuff. You know what's missing here? 30 years as a nationally syndicated radio host right now. And I've been blessed Michaela, you know, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, tons of times, Susie Orman multiple times. Mark, Victor Hansen, Kenny Loggins, meatloaf, Jenna Elfman. I mean, we can go on and on with all the people I've interviewed, but Kayla, not one of these all-stars ever said that they achieved their huge success via their thoughts.

David Essel (04:21):

Or via a a vision board or an affirmation, you know, like they all have walked through. They've had dark nights of the soul. None of them told me they ever just woke up one day and decided that their mind was going to change their lives. They all did physical action steps that were uncomfortable to become very successful.

Michaela (04:43):

Well, I, I'm so happy we have you on today because a lot of what we talk about on this podcast is a lot of metaphysical ideas and a lot about the law of attraction. But even more importantly, it's the idea that happiness is a constant reset. There's always something or someone challenging it. And uncomfortability is where the biggest change happens. So I think what you're saying completely aligns with my personal thoughts and certainly a lot of what you know, we try to promote on this podcast. So then how do people Wade through the uncomfortability to get the positive outcomes?

David Essel (05:17):

Yeah, well there's gotta be a choice that's made and the choice, and I'll give you a story out of one of our books, focus a slay your goals. There's a a gentleman, Ray Higdon and it's a great story. He's very well known in the world of network marketing. Ray came to me in 2008 with the real estate crash and he happened to live in Florida and he contacted me and said, Hey, listen, I just lost my shirt. I'm a single dad, I've got two little kids. I'm losing my house. I have not a clue of what I'm going to do. And there was a lot of us in that situation, you know, it was a, it was very, very tough time. And if you were in real estate investment and you made a killing in 2006, seven, 2008, nine, you lost everything. And so he said, can we meet? And I said, absolutely. And he said, can we meet for lunch and could you pay for it?

David Essel (06:04):

It was great. It was great. Michaela. I go, you know, I love the fact that you've got the strength to say that the answer is yes, but we sat down, we had lunch, I paid for it, and we talked, and at the end of it he said, what do you think? And I said, right, I'm going to just tell you one thing. You have a great personality underneath your fear and all of that insecurity. You are a rock star still, even though you don't have the money to show in the bank account, but this is what I'm going to recommend. Find something that you fully freaking believe in to sell and do what you've never done before. Now, I don't know what that is you do, but find something that you have outrageous passion for and then create a program unlike anything you've ever done in the past.

David Essel (06:47):

Now he's driving home and this is perfect timing. 2008 he decides to go to a bookstore. He buys the secret. He goes home and reads a secret, and for the next 30 days, Michaela, all he did was create vision boards and wrote affirmations 12 hours a day. At the end of 30 days, he was in worse shape than when I had met him. And so he decided he had to do something different so he found something to sell. It was a network marketing product. Now, whether you believe or like network marketing I could care about I, all I care about is that where was his mindset and his mindset was I can get myself back financially by helping a ton of people achieve their goals. That was his mindset. So he found a product, he tried to sell it, it wasn't going well, and then he found an individual that told him this one thing that turned it around for him.

David Essel (07:41):

They said, go after 20 rejections a day. Don't stop meeting people or calling people until you have 20 individuals in your face or on the phone that have said, I have no interest. When you reach 20 rejections a day, call it a day because the odds are in all of those calls to get 20 rejections, you're going to get acceptance. It was a year and a half later of him going after 20 rejections a day, McKayla that he was making $50,000 a month. Whoa. And he's over $1 million a month today. Wow. Okay. So, so when we talk about what does it take, you know, like this is what it takes. It's like I now, I still love positive thinking. The first hour of every day I meditate, I pray, I journal, I affirm, I do all of this mind stuff. But then at the end of that hour, Michaela, I could care less about the mind.

David Essel (08:39):

Stop, let me go to work, let me hit the pavement. Yes. Like don't even worry about it. If you're going to think that you have to focus on keeping your mind positive, you're screwed. You don't have the capability to do that. But if you have an action plan on a daily basis that pushes you out of your comfort zone, I. E. Ray Higdon, going after 20 rejections a day, you don't have to worry about being positive. You know what I'm doing. I mean, you either will be successful or you won't, but it will always be via your actions, not your thoughts. You know, Joe Vitale, dr Joe Vitale, I'm sure you know who dr Joe is. He's one of the stars of the secret. And on the secret, he said he was homeless and he imagined checks in the mail and he became a millionaire. Well, it didn't work like that.

David Essel (09:32):

You know, it's so funny to Taylor because I mean, it's such crap, you know, and we all buy into it and I'll share why we buy into it in a second. So I had dr Joe and I, and I love dr Joe. I think he's got some great stuff that he does. And so I had him on the show and the very first thing I said, dr Joe, I go, my audience is dying to hear how you went from homeless. And chefs started coming in the mail to become a millionaire without doing any work. Tell us your secret. And you know, McKayla, he started writing or laughing and he said, David, he goes, wow. He said, that's not actually what happened. I go, but that's what the secret said is that you imagine checks in the mail. He goes, yeah. He said, I know he said, but they happen to leave this important part out.

David Essel (10:17):

He was homeless. He did believe that at some point he would have money and be out of homelessness. But then this is what he did. He got a job 12 hours a day, seven days a week for years to make $1 million. Wow. And the secret left all of that work out. And Gus said that he imagined checks coming in the mountain became a millionaire when the actual end result was he put in seven days a week, 12 hours a day to earn $1 million. So you know, there's, there's, this is the reality that we teach and it sounds like Makayla, you and I are on the same wavelength. I am not anti positive thinking. I'm not even anti affirmations. I'm not even anti vision boards. As long as you don't believe any of that stuff is going to change your life. The minute you start buying into the insanity that the right visual. My God, you know there are still, I just got an email today McKella there are still people charging people to teach you how to build a damn vision board.

Michaela (11:24):

I will admit I have taught vision board building and my art for therapy workshops, but I don't charge for it anymore. I just, you know, invite friends over for wine.

David Essel (11:38):

Is there people promising that you're going to make money off it? You know, it's just like come on and, and, and so, you know, what we want to do is to say to people, no, create a daily ritual where you're reading inspirational work. You're, you're visualizing, you're affirming, but don't waste your day on it. Take 20, 30 minutes, an hour at the most, and then get on with your day and do the stuff that 90% of other people won't do.

Michaela (12:05):

Agree. I had a couple of questions as you were talking. And so the kind of get a rapid fire one of them is so, you know, I think sometimes we go after like I'll give you it, for example, finding a book publisher for a book. You know, we've all heard the Harry Potter story that she tried a million times. How do people not hit a wall and just get let down and quit when they're getting so much rejection? As you talk about the guy who's going after 20, do you say if I get 20 a day of, you know, rejections on whatever it is I'm trying to peddle that I've succeeded. Is that, is that the mindset that you take?

David Essel (12:43):

Yeah. Because you know that ultimately the odds are going to come into your favor. You know, like that's the most beautiful thing. The odds are going to actually increase the more rejection you get. And if, and let me give you a great example of this. The probably one of the greatest examples of all time of the power of rejection and ultimately success down the road. Now, McKayla, the only thing is you have to remember what I said earlier. It's gotta be something that you're putting all this effort into that you are passionate about. If you're doing it just to make money, you're screwed. You won't have the fortitude, the discipline, the persistence to keep going if you're not passionate. So the key is passion. But here's the great, one of the greatest stories of all time, and it's Colonel Sanders, whether you're a vegan or not, I don't care.

David Essel (13:29):

This is a great success story. Colonel Sanders, until he was 68 years of age, struggled financially. He attempted suicide. He was going battle deep, deep depression. But he had passion for his product. When he was 68 he made his first million dollars, and in his 80 he's, he became a billionaire. Now, some people would say, there's no way I'm going to, you know, I'm 30 I'm not going to wait until I'm 68 to make your million dollars. But I'm going to say this is that Colonel Sanders didn't think that he was waiting to make the million dollars because he was doing what he loved every day. Does that make sense?

Michaela (14:10):

It does. Absolutely. Wow. That's powerful. Yep. Yep.

David Essel (14:13):

You know, so, so when you're writing a book and you're getting rejection, that's just part of the process. Now if you're writing a book to get famous to make money and it's ego-driven, you're not gonna make it

Michaela (14:25):

Right. Yeah. But if you're writing a book that you believe will help the masses, yeah,

David Essel (14:31):

Yeah. You know, and, and if you write because you enjoy to write it, you know, the only reason I wrote for 2020 years without any success was because I really wanted to make a difference in this world. But McKayla, I also really loved to write. Yeah. So, you know, writing a new book every couple of years and having it go nowhere didn't affect me. Me, I couldn't lose. You know, I w I love and I knew at some point there had to be a crack. The door had to open. I didn't think it was going to take 20 years.

Michaela (15:06):

My husband's still, and my husband's still thanks me for bringing home the bacon bits on book sales. So, so the other thing as you were saying, you know, when we were talking about vision boards, I was just thinking about how, you know, in the land of like quantum physics and things like that, do you believe that some of this positive language shifts our daily choices, like affirmations that is vision boards, things like that, that they have the ability in micro moments to change choices that we would have otherwise made differently?

David Essel (15:39):

Absolutely. 100%. You're, when we have a positive affirmation or you look at your vision board and let's say that that excites you. Whatever's on your vision board, there is an instantaneous release of dopamine, GABA, serotonin, the endorphins, the feel good chemicals. So in those moments, we could feel like we can take on the world. Maybe in that moment you'll make the extra cold call that you don't want to make. But, but here's the problem. They only last moments, Mikayla. So, you know, when you have an endorphin rush from, you know, reading some kind of powerful quote and I don't know what the quote would be, but let's just say we just both read a powerful quote and go, my God, that is so right on. Okay that, Oh my God sensation, that rush, that's probably going to last about 45 seconds. So if you can add quickly upon your motivational, inspirational thought, yes. Go for it. I love it. You know, but it's not going to be there for the rest of the day. So you have two options, right? Yeah. Amen to that.

Michaela (16:47):

Well, you know, I, I've, I've felt that experience myself actually assembled upon things. This was a while ago back. I used to call my newsletter a newsletter on my website, you know, and I S I stumbled upon some webpage where they were talking about just kind of the term newsletter is, becomes synonymous with spam. And like right in the moment I was like, yeah, I'm changing it. I'm calling it an easy journal. And then I went right on and changed it on my website and it was like now and the, and the one, you know, I started getting more signups within the next week or two. And it wasn't like just positive thinking, but it was more taking action at the moment. That definitely changed that.

David Essel (17:22):

Yeah. And Michaela, you know, if you would have taken that thought and said that's a great idea and then gone on with your day, it would have been just a wasted thought. Right. But because you applied it and that's what I like you know about. So let's, let's say synchronicity, synchronicity. I don't think it was the law of attraction. I think synchronicity had you run into this thing about spam and then you acted upon it. Well if we did that on a regular basis, trust your intuition and act not out of fear, but just cause it's the right thing to do. We might be shocked at how we can start to turn our own lives around.

Michaela (18:00):

Yes. It's so true. It's absolutely so true. When you were talking about passion, fortitude and persistence, I wrote the word marriage. I mean, that just really sounds like what it takes to be in a relationship. Do you see, do you see this apply in relationships? I know you've talked about the love scale and profound love.

David Essel (18:19):

Yeah. Oh, it's all right there. You know, we have a brand new book that just came out, love and relationship secrets that everyone needs to know. And then, and that book is all about, if you does not wheat, what we stay and we, we prove it with statistics. 80% of relationships and our country sucks.

Michaela (18:40):

Yeah. I'd be like, what is it? 60% of them end up in divorce.

David Essel (18:44):

Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. We have 55% of first marriages end in divorce. 62% of second, 68% of third marriages end in divorce. Now they give up. The statisticians aren't even going past number three. They're going, okay, we know it's higher. We don't need to put what it is. They're staying out of Hollywood. Then big, big right. Big time. So, but really, when we look at individuals now, longevity of a marriage has nothing to do with health.

David Essel (19:23):

Yeah. I'm not impressed when just like I'm not impressed when someone says they have 30 years of sobriety. I want to know are you happy and do you treat people well? I could give a crap how many years sober you are because there's a lot of people with 30 years sobrieties that are dicks and there's no other way to say it. They just are. They're still miserable and they just want their beer back. Absolutely. McKayla. So I'm not impressed with years of marriage either. There's a lot of longterm codependent marriages that are hell. And so don't say to me, well, you know, I take this seriously. I signed that I'm going to be with him or her till death do us part. And even though they've destroyed us financially, they're emotionally abusive or physically abusive, I sign that paper, that's called insanity. So I don't care about people that say they've been married for 50 years.

David Essel (20:13):

I want to know, are you respectful to your partner? Are you supportive of their dreams? Are you kind and to be supportive and respectful and all of these things I just mentioned, kindness takes a hell of a lot of work when you're living with someone 24 seven versus a coworker or a friend in another state or, you know what I'm saying? It's like when, you know, w we, we are meant a lot of us to be in community and we could say a marriage as a community to people or more as community. But there's a lot us that, that doesn't fit well. And, and so, you know, in the book we talk about the need for separation. We talk about the need to have our own lives, the need to have our own friends, like the best marriages. And again, 40 years of being a counselor.

David Essel (21:04):

The best marriages that I have seen, individuals want to support their partner in their goals and dreams, but they also have their own separate life. And when you have your own separate life, as a matter of fact, about six months ago, Mikayla, I had a couple come in. They're on the verge of divorce. And what I saw was that they were just outrageously codependent. There was nothing they ever did without the other one. Now, very few relationships can be sustained. I'm that type of neediness where that, you know, I'm going to go to their store, I've got to go with you. I'm going to do this. I've got, you know, it's like, it's, it's overwhelming to needy. What we encourage people is that we should have at least one separate hobby. Each person in a relationship should have something the other one doesn't do, the other one isn't interested in.

David Essel (21:55):

And what that does is that adds longevity and interest to the relationship. So let's say your husband is phenomenal at art and let's say that you love to tango and he hates dancing and you can't stand art. That's perfect. That is perfect. So you go and dance and you come home and tell him how exciting it was and the passion you got from it. He goes out and shoots seven hours worth of photography and nature and comes back and, and, and these are the type of things in our book we encourage people to look at as quote unquote secrets to healthy relationships.

Michaela (22:33):

I liked that my husband and I only celebrate one year of marriage at a time. So we don't count, we just go a year at a time and kind of look back on the past year, what did we do right? What did we do wrong, what do we need to fix to make it another year kind of thing. Nice. Yeah. It takes the pressure off and I do agree. Having hobbies is super important. I think that, you know, having something that you like. The one thing that I see is if couples can't agree on finances and finances seems to be the one area where there needs to be some congruency.

David Essel (23:06):

Yeah. You know, we teach it. We have a premarital counseling course. I, I'm, I'm Mary obviously married couples and and it's 10 weeks long. And one of the things that we spend, I'd say three to four weeks on is the agreeing on financial belief systems. It's crucial, you know, and there's compromise and there's all kinds of stuff. But you know, most people are raised very differently financially. I mean, it's very rare to find two people that have the same beliefs about money. So what we do, we say to people before you commit and move in, before you commit and marry, let's make sure some of the really huge topics, the one you mentioned, finances and other children and other religion, let's make sure that we understand each other's full 100% beliefs on these major categories before we choose to move forward. Because there may have to be some alterations done or it may not be the right fit.

David Essel (24:07):

Yep. Yep. Agree. That's, and that's a scary thought, right? People, but I'm in love. I don't love takes a lot more components than just kisses and hugs. And McKayla, what you just said is so crucial for the listeners. I'm the, one of the biggest problems that we talk about in the book loving relationship secrets is that people deal with love emotionally, not logically. Right? And we need to bring logic into the equation. I mean, that's the reason 80% of relationships suck. You know, w we have this, you know, all, but I'm in so in love, Oh my God, what, you know, in the book, we got these stories, my God, this, Oh, bless her heart. This woman came in and said, I love my husband more than any man I've ever loved. And I said, okay, that's awesome. And she goes, so why does he hate me so much?

David Essel (24:59):

And Oh, I think I know. And I said, well, what do you mean he hates you? And she goes, well, he's on my back constantly, you know, multiple days a week, I can't do anything. Right. So anyway, I'm working with her for about four to six weeks and only hearing her side of the equation. And then one time I said to her, I go, I think this is time to bring your husband and I need, I understand what you're saying. You love him more than anything. He treats you like crap, but let's fit. So he comes in and I, you know, she was here, he was here. And so I said to him, I'm, you know, I understand that you have a lot of anger at your wife. He said, yes I do. And I said, can you share why? And he goes, three days a week, David, she is a rock star.

David Essel (25:37):

She is off the charts very, I don't have to app remind her to do anything. I don't have to ask her. She's preplanned, she's like, show in my corner. And then all of a sudden he goes, I'll give you an example. Like last week I had a big meeting that I had to wear a suit to on Friday I have one suit that I really love and I said to her, I have this meeting. It's Monday. Could you take it to the dry cleaner and could you have it for me on Thursday? And she said, yes. So I get up Friday morning and I asked her where the suit is and she said, Oh, I never got a chance to get it. And so I said to her, is this the way your mother treated your father? And the answer was yes. She was raised in an environment that when it was convenient for her mom to do what was necessary for the house she did.

David Essel (26:22):

What if it wasn't convenient? She didn't. And she never told my client's father. So what had happened was this young woman had seen the environment of how her mom interacted with her dad, and she just brought it forward as if it was natural. She didn't even know she was doing it. Mikayla. Wow. So you know, here was, I love this man more than anyone, but love is not enough. If you don't have logic, you know, if you don't have like following your words, it's called integrity. Right. You know, so you can love someone more than anyone else has ever loved them. But if you don't have integrity, if you don't follow your words, you're going to be in a relationship of how so true. So true.



Michaela (00:00):

So you, so you say, kind of switching gears here, you say if you have a big goal, you haven't nailed by now. You never will. I liked that quote. I do. It was, it spoke to me. What does that mean exactly? Does that mean give up? Call me ever since.

David Essel (00:19):

Oh God, girl, you did your homework. This is good. All right, so you know, and, and, and let, let me, let me, I'll let me rephrase how I came up with that quote. So a friend of mine, Harv Eker, wrote a book, secrets of the millionaire mind. 10 years ago, 15, I forget. It's been a long time now and it's, it, I think it's still has the record of going number one in the New York times bestsellers list, the fastest personal growth book ever. And so I had heard the minute the book came out, I got him on my radio show and during the show I was teasing them and I said, Harv, I need to hire you as my business coach. And he goes, Oh, that's great David. And so then as we continued to talk, I go hard, I'm serious, and and I, and this was live on the air, so I knew I had them.

David Essel (01:02):

I said, I go hard, just give me one session. And he goes, Oh my God. Okay. So we get off the call and we do our session and he says, what's your goal? And I said, I want to double my income in 12 months. He said, what's your income now? And I told him, he said, that is very aggressive, David. And I said, yeah. I said, I really believe I can do. And he goes, okay. He said, when did you set this goal? And I said, two years ago. And he said, why haven't you accomplished it? Well, and it was a great question and I, and I came up with all kinds of answers, you know, the economy wasn't that great the last couple of years. He excuses and he said, no, it's, he goes, it's nonsense. He said, let me tell you. He goes, if you are going to accomplish it by now, you never will.

David Essel (01:49):

He said, because you're trying to do it on your own. And he said, if you have a major goal, and I just have reiterated this over the last 10 years, you know, if you have a major goal in weight loss and you've never accomplished it, relationships, you've never accomplished it. Forgiving someone who betrayed you and you never accomplished it, making certain amount of money and you never accomp. If you've had a goal for more than a couple of years, you aren't going to get it on your own or you already would have. So what we say is this, if the goal that you desire that you haven't accomplished Mikayla is in your wheel house, that means it's something you have outrageous passion for, then hire an accountability partner. Is it a financial advisor, a consultant, a counselor, a coach, a minister, or a rabbi, a personal trainer?

David Essel (02:37):

I don't know who it is for you, but if you have a big goal and it hasn't come into your life right now, quit spinning your wheels and get someone to help guide you to save your butt a whole bunch of more years. You know, like I look back at my 20 years of writing books without any recognition, and I've asked myself at times, I wonder if I should have hired a marketing consultant when the first two books didn't take off or should I have done something different? Or was it just my passion to write? And those 20 years gave me outrageously good experience. Right?

Michaela (03:13):

Right. It's not like it's all for not

David Essel (03:15):

No, because it's in my wheelhouse of passion and that's what I want our listeners to remember. You know, if it's in your wheelhouse, that's where you want to stay, regardless of how long it takes. Never forget Colonel Sanders story, never forget my 20 years of writing book story, right? If it's in your wheelhouse, stay there, but then look at bringing someone in to hold your feet to the fire.

Michaela (03:39):

Oh, I like that. That's, that's really how I feel about everything that kind of has transpired in the last year with what I'm doing with the podcast and this and that. You know, all of the years of writing books, everything had the same underlying theme. I just didn't put it together in a package that anybody understood until a PR agent said, Hey, here's, here's your, you know, your presentation, here's your Pat gage, why aren't you presenting it this way? It doesn't make sense to people otherwise. And I love that it was all in the wheelhouse and you know, it took kind of maybe connecting with some people outside of what I was continually trying to, to really guide me in the right direction. Yup. Yes,

David Essel (04:19):

There's a part of it that's scary, you know, investing time, money and effort into someone else. There can be some fear-based stuff around that. But once again, you know what, what I want you to do as a listener with Makayla right now is I want you to understand that you can have a massive goal in life, but you're going to have to do what 90% of people don't want to do to achieve it. And you know, we have a very lazy world here. It's outrageous. We are lazy as crap. And you know, when people go, Oh my God, you know, I mean, that's why people want to sit back and do affirmations and vision boards because they don't want to do any work. Mckayla. yeah,

Michaela (04:59):

I'll tell you what, five of us started a detox in August and two of us finished it, you know? Yeah. It was too much work and then they're still trying to lose weight and you know, cleanse their bodies. And I'm like, Hey, I'm past that. I'm still not drinking coffee. Still do. Right. You

David Essel (05:18):

Know what, there was a number of years ago and this was after, you know, 1980 96, 1996 was my big turning year. That's when I dropped all my teachings on the law of attraction and all that crap. And, and I remember shortly after there, my, of course, you know, my teachings changed, my attitude changed, a lot changed. And I remember someone coming up to me and saying, you know, you sound like my grandfather. And I said, tell me what you mean. And she goes, all he ever talks about is putting in the extra effort for the bigger goal. And I said, and your grandfather that I go, that's the mindset we need to have, you know. Can I tell a great Wayne Dyer story? Yes, please. Oh my God. All right. So I met Wayne for the first time in 1990 and I had just started a nationally syndicated radio show.

David Essel (06:12):

He was one of my first guest and you know, he, and he was huge. You know, McKayla, I guess because I'm so old, like people don't realize in 1990 that Wayne Dyer was massive. He was massive. And so I got him on the show, which really thrilled me. And then afterwards we are during the show, I was saying to him, Wayne, how is it that you create such great success with book sales and everything else? Like, like, what's your secret? And he started laughing and he said, well, he goes, let me tell you how our first book became very popular. I said, great, I'd love to. He goes, okay. So he goes, we released the book and several months go by and my publisher contacts me and says, Wayne, not sure what's going on. We thought this was going to be huge. It's not moving at all. We'll give it another month or so, but then we're going to probably have to go onto another book or do something else. We're not quite sure. So he sat back after the call and he was sitting thinking, books aren't moving. Books aren't moving. Now you have to remember in the 80s there were still things called bookstores McKayla, right?

David Essel (07:16):

It was, it was really weird, man. You actually go into a building and there'd be shelves with books. Strangest book tour. I drove my books around him at trunk. Yes, there you go. So Wayne says, you know, there's no internet. 1980 in the 80s, there's no internet. All there is is bookstores. So Wayne says to me, he goes, wow. He said, I decided that if the book wasn't going to move on its own, I had to help it. So he said, I drove to every bookstore I could possibly get to and bought all of my own books off the shelf. And he said, and David, I kept doing it. And all of a sudden weeks later I get a call from my publisher saying, Oh my God, when your books are going nuts, they've just done three order. We've got bookstores all over the place ordering your book.

David Essel (08:04):

The moral of this story is Wayne Dyer was willing to do what 90% of the rest of us won't. Right? And when we talk about Makayla, my clients with weight loss, or the clients that we work with on financial freedom or love and relationships or self-love or addiction recovery, we say this to the same thing to all of our clients. Are you willing to do what 90% of the rest of the world won't? If you are, let's rock. If you're looking for an easier way out, a shortcut, a life hack, I'm not the guy and I never will be. You know, because I really understand after and I've, and I've gone bankrupt. I was an addict and alcoholic. You know, I've gone through a whole bunch of crap in life. I don't have all the answers by any means, but I do know some of the most important answers, such as if you want big things in life, are you willing to do what 90% of other people won't do? You know? And and in that case, in that mindset, then of course, you know most people will say yes, they'll answer the question you ask because they want to be good boys and girls. And so they'll go, yes, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And then we go, okay, put it in writing.

David Essel (09:17):

Hold them to it like a contract. You got it. And once it's in writing, then I go through it with them and I tell them, this is realistic. This is not, let's alter this. Let's shift this. And then Makayla we get after we have this whole agreement thing in writing. Then we get down to the, what am I doing on a daily basis? How many hours am I putting intoX , Y, andZ ? How many prospecting calls, how many meetings, how many this, how many that. Then we get it down to where it has to be in writing specifically, so now we have accountability, so then every week when I meet with my client, I have their schedule, I know exactly what they were supposed to do, and then we find out how close to the record did they make it in this sounds, you know, like complicated.

David Essel (10:03):

It's not at all. It's called organization and tangibility. I mean anything that's tangible like that that you can put a check Mark next to. Yeah, I work really well on that idea that you know, if I can see it kind of like a map, yes, mind map. Then I know what comes next and where am I at and what did I fall short of, said what do I need to pick up the next day, that kind of thing. I like that. I actually do a lot of map outlining in my own psychotherapy practice with clients, but I have a client as you were speaking that I was completely thinking of. She's been working on this nutrition business for, I don't know, two years. And every time that she comes to session, which you know, sh not frequently enough, I ask her, did, did you do this? Did we do this?

David Essel (10:44):

Did you do that? You know, following up on these items that, Oh I, you know, got busy with this and all this. And it's like, yeah, I don't know that you're ever going to achieve it. If you can't commit to it now. And it is uncomfortable, you know, and now here's the great news. Let me share this. Cause we've been talking a lot about being uncomfortable in the beginning of making a change. And the subconscious mind is really what we're trying to change. We're not trying to change the conscious mind. It's always the subconscious. The conscious mind is listening to the show going, my God, Makayla and David are offering all these great tips. I'm writing them down. I'm going to go kick butt. That's the conscious mind. The conscious mind wants success for most of us. I mean there's a few victims in this world that all they do is talk about how they get screwed left and right.

David Essel (11:27):

But for the most part, you know, for the most part, people want consciously to be successful, to lose the way to make the money, to have the great lobby, et cetera. Consciously, we want it. But the real challenge is in the subconscious because the pattern that we set when we set a pattern of looking for a life hack, looking for a shortcut, when we set a pattern of saying, I'm going to take this fat burner pill instead of actually going to the gym and changing my diet, when we start to get into that mindset McKayla, it's going to shoot major success in the foot there. You can't have it both ways. You can't find a life hack that allows you to do no work and to lose weight long term. Now, one life hack, like the keto diet where they guarantee you'll lose 51 pounds in 50 days and I will guarantee you that you'll have 60 pounds back at the end of that year.

David Essel (12:20):

Right? So when when you have a hack that says I can help you lose 50 pounds in 50 days, like to me that's like, okay, now we're talking in sanity because you're not going to be able to sustain that. We know you're not going to be able to sustain it. Right. And so what we want to say to people is that 90% duly what 90% of other people won't do eventually just becomes who you are. The first year of my sobriety sucked. It was really hard. I was filled with anxiety. I was filled with temptation. I never went out. It's been a very long time now. I never will. But the first year was freaking hard. After that, it has been a walk in the park. I go to weddings, funerals, I sit next to people that are doing shots and I don't do shots.

David Essel (13:10):

I just leave early and, and you know, we, we, we have to be willing. That first year I had to do it, 90% of other people in my situation wouldn't do. I had to invest time, money, and effort into my recovery. And then since then, I don't even say I'm in recovery. I'm not in recovery. I'm simply David asshole. That's all I am. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not an alcoholic in recovery. All that crap is a bunch of nonsense. I'm simply David hassle and some life choices that served me better. Absolutely McKayla. And then it's the same thing with money. You know, there's a couple that I worked with in their forties several children, they'd never owned a home and so they came to me and they said, we want to go through this financial freedom course because we really want to buy a home.

David Essel (13:53):

So we looked at expenses and income and everything, and I'll share something from our course that that a lot of people may be familiar with and other people may not be. But the first step to financial freedom never has anything to do with income. So if you're thinking of becoming financially free and you want to focus on increasing your income, I will tell you you're screwed and ain't going to work. You've got to look at expenses and debt. Amen McKayla. That's the first step. And the second step is belief systems, believe it or not. So anyway, this couple came to me and they said, you know what, we, they both made decent money. They both had never saved a penny. And so I said to them all right, I can set you guys up to buy a house short of a year. You know, it'll be less than a year.

David Essel (14:38):

I can guarantee you will have the down payment and everything else, but you're going to have to bust your butt in nine months. Michaela by looking at their budgets and their expenditures, this is so mind blowing for, to hear. We were able to help them save $30,000 and nine months and buy their first house. Wow. Now there was huge sacrifice. Okay. When we looked at how they just, they just rapidly spend money. I mean, you know, going out to lunch every day was never an issue. Going out to dinner several times a week was never an issue. So when we looked at all these deal killers to buy a house, I said, if you do what 90% of your friends won't do, you'll have a house in nine months. However, if you take all this work we're going to do and you're going to sabotage it by going back to your old comfortable spending habits, we will be years down the road before you get a house and, and they did what 90% of people won't do and nine months they have 30 grand saved and in 12 months they moved into their first home.

David Essel (15:42):

Wow. Wow. You know, it's an, anyone can do this. Michaela. This is the cool thing and I don't care how long you've been an addict to sugar or food or alcohol. Anyone can get sober. Anyone can become financially free. Anyone can release anger and resentment against people that have betrayed us. I mean everything we losing weight. My God, I just had Evelyn Keeley and on my radio show again, Evelyn is a friend of mine. She lost 240 pounds in her forties wow. 240 pounds almost to humans. It is McKayla and then in her fifties she became a bodybuilder for God's sake. Wow. When when people say, you know, the university of Florida study, only about 6% of people who are obese or severely overweight have a genetic link. That means 94% of the population that's overweight. It's all lifestyle. Wow. It's not genetics. And Evelyn found that out because she was one of many people that knew that her weight gain, she knew her lifestyle was terrible, but she also believed that it had to be genetics, but it rarely is. Wow.

Michaela (16:55):

David, everything is, this is my favorite podcast I've had and I'm on episode like 55 Kayla, I absolutely love everything you said and I, and I completely wholeheartedly agree. And you know, I hear a lot of people talk but not a lot of people do. And so I just completely, I'm just so thrilled that you were on and shared your insights on these things and I'm going to put in the show notes all the ways that people can get in touch with you, but is there a particular way you prefer? Okay.

David Essel (17:21):

Yeah. The easiest is the website talk, T a L K Mckayla, people can go there. We've got a bunch of free stuff. I you can get our free motivational minute, which is a Monday through Friday video series. So every day, Monday through Friday you get a three minute inspirational video from me in your inbox. And that's absolutely free. We, we give away money. We have, we do charity where people that are really struggling, you can go and sign up for that for free. So you know, we try to do a lot to give back because we have been working our butts off for so long and we've been very fortunate at the same time. So if when people go to talk, of course they can work with me and from anywhere in the world via phone or Skype, they have a goal that they haven't been able to accomplish. We'd love to help them and also grab the free stuff because that might be what you need right now to get that hump moving to, to move past the block in front of you. I love it.

Michaela (18:21):

Thank you so much for being on, and I just looking, I look forward to continuing our journey together as a synchronistic humans that have connected. Kayla. Hey listen,

David Essel (18:32):

I might get out. You got me. I love the interview. I think you're exceptional as a host and we can do it again.

Michaela (18:39):

Thanks so much, David. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.