ORD posted about another ATC controller who fell to the pressures of life. 💔
As someone who has been an on-call first responder for people in crisis, and as a clinician who has supported clients through this kind of tragic loss, this hits deeply.
To anyone who is struggling: you are NOT broken.
I've worked with many clients over the years, who have lost someone to suicide, and it's one of the most challenging things to navigate. What I see they struggle with more than the loss itself is the guilt of having missed something, not reaching out, or somehow preventing it.
One of the most powerful tools I've used as a therapist, and have offered to my clients as a tool for connection I learned from Simon Sinek - the 8 minute catch up.
Eight minutes may not sound like much, but when primal wounds flare, even the smallest dose of genuine attention can feel like a lifeline. What makes this practice truly powerful is not just the time, but the courage to name your wound and invite some you love, or someone who is safe- into it.
Sinek's "8 minute catch up" is rooted in a 2021 study showing that even brief, regular phone calls focused on empathy and connection can significantly reduce loneliness, depression, and anxiety. While the original research did not prescribe exactly “eight minutes,” it demonstrated that short, structured conversations with consistent emotional presence had measurable mental health benefits.
Sinek took this evidence and packaged it into a simple, accessible ritual: when someone asks, “Do you have eight minutes?” it lowers the barrier to reaching out, makes the time commitment feel safe and doable, and turns human connection into a repeatable practice. The power lies less in the exact duration and more in the intentionality—consistent, undistracted attention that tells the other person, you matter.
Below, I’ll show you how each of the 7 Primal Wounds can use the 8-Minute Catch-Up, what you might say to a friend, and the supportive words they can offer in return.
1. Primal Wound: “I am insignificant.”
How to connect: Tell your friend, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t matter. During these 8 minutes, I just need to know I’m seen.”
Supportive phrases:
“You’re important to me.”
“I notice the effort you put in.”
“The world is brighter with you in it.”
Even small acknowledgments can undo the ache of invisibility.
2. Primal Wound: “I am inadequate.”
How to connect: Share, “I often feel like I’m not enough. Could you remind me of times I’ve shown strength or capability?”
Supportive phrases:
“You are more than enough as you are.”
“I admire how you handled [specific example].”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
Here, the pact becomes a mirror reflecting your inherent worth.
3. Primal Wound: “I am incapable.”
How to connect: Say, “I get stuck believing I can’t handle things. For these 8 minutes, I need encouragement that I can.”
Supportive phrases:
“You’ve overcome hard things before.”
“I believe in your ability to figure this out.”
“You don’t have to do it alone—let’s break it down together.”
This shared time shifts the story from powerlessness to possibility.
4. Primal Wound: “I am an outsider.”
How to connect: Admit, “I sometimes feel like I don’t belong. Can you remind me that I’m part of your circle?”
Supportive phrases:
“You’re part of my life, and I’m glad you are.”
“You belong here with me.”
“Our friendship wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Eight minutes of belonging can soothe years of feeling “other.”
5. Primal Wound: “I am damaged.”
How to connect: Say, “Sometimes I feel broken or beyond repair. Can you reassure me that I’m still lovable as I am?”
Supportive phrases:
“You’re not broken—you’re human.”
“Your scars make you strong, not unworthy.”
“I love and accept you as you are.”
Consistent compassion tells the wound: healing is possible.
6. Primal Wound: “I am undeserving.”
How to connect: Share, “I struggle to feel worthy of kindness. Can you remind me that I don’t have to earn your care?”
Supportive phrases:
“You don’t have to do anything to deserve love.”
“I want to give you this time.”
“Your worth isn’t up for debate.”
This makes the pact a lived reminder of unconditional regard.
7. Primal Wound: “I am powerless.”
How to connect: Tell your friend, “I often feel like life happens to me. I need to be reminded of my strength.”
Supportive phrases :
“You’ve taken charge before—you can again.”
“Your voice matters here.”
“Even choosing to connect today is an act of power.”
The ritual becomes a quiet reclaiming of agency.
The beauty of the 8-Minute Catch-Up isn’t only in the minutes themselves—it’s in the vulnerability of saying, This is my wound. This is what I need. When you give someone the gift of honesty, you allow them to meet you in your rawest humanity.
And when a friend responds with presence and affirming words, those primal wounds don’t get to run the show. For eight minutes, you are seen, worthy, and whole.
Healing doesn’t always require hours of therapy or grand gestures. Sometimes, it only takes eight minutes of connection—repeated, day after day, until the wounds loosen their grip.
Don't forget to take the quiz and learn your Primal Wound.