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Oct
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Written by:
michaela renee
10/12/2009 11:55 PM
I don’t need the last word, but I got it. It took me a long time to realize that sometimes the last word isn’t spoken.
I’m not sure there’s much worse than opting to remain silent, when you would give anything to tell your side of the story. I’m not sure there’s anything more awful than knowing you’re right, and they’re wrong. I’m not entirely convinced that anyone ever gets closure by letting the other person have the last word.
Someone whom I’ve never met, which believes they know me personally through friendship connections and Facebook opted to invade my privacy and send me a nasty email a few weeks ago. I chose the high road, which for me, was responding in kind and offering closure to her via an in person meeting, which would add dimension to the “me“ she believes she knows from my social networking site and our mutual friends.
She initially agreed, and then backed out, to no surprise of mine. However, accepting my open-ness as a peace offering and moving on wasn’t enough for her. She decided to get the last word.
In this moment of frustration I considered all the icy truths that I should expose to her, and all the realities that I should spark with my fire tongue to put her in her place. But I knew she didn’t deserve the ounce of my time she‘d already been offered, let alone anything more. I had started my journey on the high road and the rules of the road say, once you’re on the high road, you keep walking.
And then I started wondering, how do you know when to start walking the high road, and where does it lead?
There’s no entrance sign for the high road. And there’s no exits once you’re on it either. A few people never see it, others have to be told it’s there. Some see it plain as day and prefer to pass it up.
The thing about the high road is, the only person you challenge when you choose it, is yourself.
Walking the high road didn’t feel good like everyone said it would. In the pit of my stomach I felt the turmoil of oil and water, I ached for the last word and I could come up with fifty ways to get it successfully. I also knew only a weaker species would turn back after they’d made it as far as I had, so I kept on trudging.
The high road isn’t paved, it’s full of potholes. The path is overgrown and barren tree branches whack you in the head as you continue on. The high road goes nowhere, except the place which you want it to lead. You decide when to start walking it, and you decide when to stop.
The people who take it, are usually left hurting…but not as badly as the ones who got the last word. Because the last word remains far behind. The farther you walk down the high road, the less you hear, and the less you see, until ultimately you are alone with your thoughts. In that moment of silence you hear your own final word, your truth, the truth.
I made it to the end of the high road, and I stood overlooking the edge of a river carved canyon, with a beautiful vista. The valley was dusted with wildflower and covered with trees. The trees were all different, but evenly spread in rows, like grapes at a winery. I was sweating from the hike, and exhausted. I took my first breath of fresh air and it slightly singed my lungs while delivering peace to my heart. From my vantage point I saw very clearly, the untruth and hate of the last spoken word drowning in the river. It was swallowed up and lodged under the rocks in the river bed, never to be seen, or thought of, again.
The true last word is never spoken, it’s found inside. And so I answered the question; the high road leads to a self fulfilled happiness, and you choose to walk it when you’re strong enough for the challenge of living with your own truth in silence.
I quote from my 2009 dream board "discover the difference between simply being, and being true to you." Yet another beautiful dream board image I've seen to fruition in real life.
Copyright ©2009 Michaela Renee
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11 comments so far...
Re: I got the last word
ok so there is a lot of snider in you for sure heheheh i too faced the same thing in meeting the father of my boyfriend always hard to do..."meeting the parents" he met mine on the trip to see your mom after her accident ...sniders are always welcoming and make up their own mind once they've met the person----not biased by other peoples perceptions even their own kids. At my age of 51 I thought it would be a piece of cake since I had already met his mom (they are divorced) I however, was ambushed by a mis-perception by my boyfriends father and the minute my boyfriend left the room (within five minutes of our arrival) he decided to launch in to me!!!! I started to defend some of them but realized it would be a losing battle---i opted for the high road (a snider trait) it is the most painful when the weekend stretches so long and there are three generations involved in the meeting. Suffice to say, its never easy being true to yourself---but the truth does set us free!!! Luv Ya
By aunite debra on
10/14/2009 10:48 AM
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Re: I got the last word
thanks for sharing auntie debra love you too- bunches of oats :)
Kayla (from the Snider side haha)
By michaela renee on
10/14/2009 7:19 PM
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Re: I got the last word
PS - I definitely get the "high road" from Mom's side, because Dad's side just never seems to wind up in this sorta stuff...what is it about the Snider's that find themselves in these sorts of predicaments? Open to everyone, vocal and honest...I think that's the problemo.
By michaela renee on
10/14/2009 7:21 PM
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Re: I got the last word
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