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May
22
Written by:
michaela renee
5/22/2009 5:09 AM
The text came through and it said, “my copy has arrived.”
The words in and of themselves, and perhaps even put together don’t seem that important. Unless of course it’s a copy of a birth certificate for your newborn baby, a copy of the escrow documents on your first house, a copy of the divorce settlement or… your Memoir being delivered to the man you wrote about.
Suddenly I realized I had written about my life, in painstaking detail, and suddenly I began to feel exposed.
While I share a lot of information with the world, the things that affect me most deeply have always stayed very close to my heart, and suddenly I realized that all those things that I’d chosen to protect over the years were available…on Amazon.com. I felt like I’d taken a scalpel, cut out my heart, sprinkled a little bit of my soul on it and uploaded it to YouTube. Why did I do this?
Because somehow if I put my thoughts on paper I’m able to let some of the memory go. Because the words are there for me to remember when I need to, the joy when I want to, and in cases of sadness, for the moment when I finally can.
Also because I have high hopes that one sentence, one phrase, or one paragraph will touch someone, inspire them, or even just verbalize a feeling they’ve felt.
But when the first copy of the memoir arrived and the text came through instead of being overjoyed, the feelings of excitement were swallowed with worry.
The perfectionist in me re-read the PDF galley of the book twice, and caught all twenty-odd typos; the friend in me wondered if I‘d given enough gratitude in the acknowledgements; the little girl in me wondered if Mom and Dad would be proud and the ex-wife, girlfriend, roommate, and other half of a whirlwind romance in me wondered if sharing my half of a two-sided story was fair. In my effort to stay true to myself and to the story, had I managed to do them all justice?
Putting your inner thoughts on paper to share with the world is like walking around naked.
That was the best analogy I could draw. The writer’s block that stemmed from the word I felt, the simple word ‘exposed,’ drummed up such a strong wave of emotion that no matter how hard I tried, my brain refused to let my pen (heart) touch the paper (the world). So instead I ended up writing a poem.
If I walked around naked would you stare?
Would you close your eyes
Would you turn your back
Would you wonder how a girl like me
Could do a thing like that.
Would you feel entitled to my soul
Would you feel like you were in the know
Would you criticize because you can
Would you appreciate all that I am
Would you stare openly
Would you look right past
Would you see beyond my skin
Could you love me at last.
If I walked around naked, would you offer your clothes?
Copyright ©2009 Michaela Renee
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6 comments so far...
Re: If I walked around naked, would you stare?
Michaela you have my appreciation, my love, and my clothes anytime! You are an inspiration and such a gift to planet earth. Thank you for sharing your story and having the courage to feel naked. May each reader understand the depth of who you are and be touched by your soul.
By Lorraine on
5/22/2009 5:52 AM
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Re: If I walked around naked, would you stare?
Michaela, you have stirred thoughts and emotions in my mind that I am almost embarrassed to admit. I understand how you feel "exposing" yourself to the world. What will they say? How will they act? Of course I would stare, then offer you clothes. I am touched. Thank you for sharing.
By Michael on
5/22/2009 8:50 AM
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Re: If I walked around naked, would you stare?
You rock my Texas socks!
By GiGi on
5/22/2009 11:14 AM
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Re: If I walked around naked, would you stare?
It's a good thing you've still got a rockin body huh? Cause most people would stare my dear...and I would offer you some shorts and a tank top. LOL! Up in the hills though...really...they would just take a double take and go "oh her? That's just Crazy Michaela...she does that sometimes". Honestly...we were blessed to grow up with some of the biggest fruitloops in the world. We don't got NOTHIN on that weirdness! LMAO! So stop freakin out about your life story "out there for everyone to see". It's all good....you are going to help someone see that they are not alone in their struggle. God Bless you girl and my prayers are with you every step of the way. I'm so proud of you.
Jenna
By Jenna Bender on
5/30/2009 3:13 PM
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Re: If I walked around naked, would you stare?
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