By michaela renee on 7/24/2009 7:37 AM

Me: So this guy invited me over for dinner at his place.

Therapist: Doesn‘t seem safe.

Me: In hindsight...nevermind. The thing is, he lives at a condo complex where a bunch of my friends live, and the houses are pretty tight together. So I figured if something happened I could yell louder than a hyena and escape safely.

Therapist: What was on the menu?

Me: His email said rib-eye, mashed potatoes and zucchini.

Therapist: Wow! So he’s a good cook too?

Me: I’m figuring you can’t eff up a rib-eye right? So I learned from a previous flub up that you should always bring a bottle of wine when invited to dinner at someone’s house.
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By michaela renee on 7/12/2009 3:03 PM

I was hurting, just kind of achy all over. I couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from, but I knew why, it was because it was too quiet. I pulled the covers up over my naked shoulders and let the tips of my eyelashes meet the bottoms of my eyelids, they whispered, “just go to sleep.” As I laid there doing a 400 meter dash in the silence of the swimming pool known as my thoughts, I realized something.

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By michaela renee on 7/10/2009 11:24 AM

Me: He drank too much.

Therapist: How much is too much?

Me: Too much that he couldn’t drive us home and we had to call a cab.

Therapist: Oh come on, better safe than sorry. I think it’s responsible of him to call a cab after a few drinks that put your life and a DUI at risk.

Me: I‘m not done, this wasn‘t just any cab.

Therapist: Ok, continue.

Me: Did I mention the date was excellent?

Therapist: No. I’m thrilled to hear that part.

Me: Seven miles...

Therapist: Why are you staring off like that? Are you ok? What was seven miles?

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By michaela renee on 7/7/2009 1:26 PM

 

I felt more than I thought I’d feel when I heard he had died. Maybe it’s because I happened to be alone that night. I’ve been alone a lot lately. Physically alone and emotionally alone, the type of alone you feel when you leave work late and the parking lot is empty, and your car is the only one there.

The first thing I did was sit down at the computer, click to youtube and type “man in the mirror” in the search field. I probably watched the video twenty times in a row…I’m sure that’s not healthy. It was 1988 when it was recorded, five years before his first judgment.

By michaela renee on 7/1/2009 4:11 PM

Therapy Sessions of an Online Dating Addict - Fiction Folks. Fiction.

Me: So I have to start by saying, I‘ve never had a one night stand, and certainly not with someone I just met online.

Therapist: Who are you trying to convince?

Me: No, seriously...I’m just saying.

Therapist: Ok, continue.

Me: So he‘s super cute, and I think someone slipped something in my drink.

Therapist: Foul play?

Me: No. I shouldn‘t be so extreme, it‘s entirely plausible that I drank too much, but I just really don‘t believe that one margarita and one lemon drop would have caused me to get that drunk.

Therapist: The phrase of the guilty.

Me: I think I might set up a sting at the bar, I‘m pretty sure the bartenders are roofie-ing drinks.

Therapist: Is roofie-in ... Read More »