Everyone told me, that I would be ready…that I would love each stage as it came. But I just wasn’t sure anything could ever feel the way it did then.

There was something indescribable about the moment I first met you. A poem couldn’t capture the instant desire I had to love you, and as cliché as it sounds, “miracle” doesn’t begin to describe what I thought about you. 
 
Back then you were so tiny that you only fit in newborn onsies. I remember the day they didn’t fit. After I packaged up all the clothes I’d picked out before I even knew what you looked like, I sat and cried. I’d never get that
back again…the absolutely tiny little finger and toes, the utter astonishment for all that we created, that somehow we were able to create life together, in the raw way that God intended it. I’ll never forget the way you instinctually
knew how to nurse and how you knew the familiarity of us. Just our scent comforted you even when your eyes were closed.

 And shortly after that, I began to get excited about the next phase, the one where you started to explore the world with your eyes, and started to smile at the slightest cheerful thing. Then you began to giggle, I remember the time your daddy was riding in the backseat with you, and all I heard was you laughing hysterically. He told me all he was doing was looking at you, and then looking away, and each time he turned his head in your direction and connected with your eyes, you started giggling.

A few weeks ago, sometime around when you started sitting up on your own, and eating Puffs using your new pinscher grasp, you started holding your bottle. At first daddy and I thought that was pretty cool, we could finally eat while you ate, no more taking turns at scarfing down dinner while it was hot. But even still, I couldn’t resist feeding you that last few ounces in the
nursery before nuh-nite. 

And only just a few nights ago, we snuggled on the chair in the nursery, and I started to sing “Twinkle Twinkle” like I always do, suddenly your –still small- but not so tiny- hand came up and reached for the bottle. I tried to send it back to the warmth of your fleece PJ’s but you resisted, you’re a big boy now, and you wanted to hold it.

 I called for your daddy and he came running in, and then my tears started flowing. The next day, I realized, that even with your new found independence, this is my new favorite age, and I’m so afraid of losing a minute of it. You are scooting around the floor, you play for hours, you bounce up and down to good music even though you aren’t moving with the tune, and you explore
 everything with your hands and your mouth, which keeps me on my toes. But the best part is that you are utterly and completely pure.

Everything you do is with good intention. You smile at everything, you giggle at everybody. You are a love, any person who meets you, falls in love with you, because you have a huge heart. You have no ill thoughts toward people, only curiosity. And you and Dennis seem to speak the same innocent language, he licks you and you reach for him and he snuggles his big lion mane into your belly and you start to laugh. I’m not sure what you two are talking about, but it’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever witnessed.

I brought you into bed with daddy and I this morning, and I watched as you yawned and looked around, I wondered what you were thinking. You have your own little mind, your own thoughts, and someday you’ll make your own decisions, and maybe some of them won’t be the best decisions. 

I know, because I just know, that you will always be a sweet boy with a good heart, but I know that you will never be this pure again. 
 
You haven’t experienced disappointment, or heart break, or sadness, or loss…and for that you are full of happiness and excitement, wanting to experience anything that comes your way. You smile with your whole face, not that fake one people do for pictures…and you smile all the time, because you haven’t found a reason not to yet. You love the world and it loves you.

 I love this age Tuck, it’s my new favorite. And since I can’t hope you stay this age forever, here’s what I do hope…

 I hope you always giggle,
I hope you always dance when you hear a good song
I hope that if someday you hurt, it doesn’t last
long
I hope you always find the beauty in a relationship with innocence
I hope you give everyone that smile, the first time you meet them
I hope you laugh at stupid things
I hope you love unconditionally
I hope the little things in life make you happy
I hope you’ll always have who you are right now

Everybody says I’ll love each stage, I think they’re right.